Single Broke Female

I follow a blog by a girl referred to as "Single Broke Female". Boy does that describe me to a "T" as well.

I'm having several problems with this...

1) I can't find a job. Just yesterday I sent my resume out to about 10 different places, but I don't have my hopes up about any of them. The jobs I have had offered to me were sh*t pay or had an awful commute. I know I can't expect some miraculous job with the way the economy is right now, but I can't comprehend taking a job where I'd be getting paid less or the same as I am getting through unemployment. Not to mention, if I'm going to take a job for about the same amount, I really need one that comes with medical insurance because of my epilepsy.

2) I'm just not motivated to do anything right now. No matter how much I want something or how many times I tell myself I need something, I haven't been doing it. Working out, medication, writing, etc. It's awful because I get upset that I'm not doing these things or the risk I'm taking with my meds, but I just can't seem to get myself started or set in a routine. I'm going to start working on this, really. I'm going to start making time, setting reminders for myself and taking some responsibility. I know it's important. I know that.

3) I'm not good with not living the way I want or denying myself things. I rarely buy new clothes - let alone like $70 shirts, so if I see a nice shirt I want or really cute earrings, I usually still buy it now. THANKFULLY I'm not a big spender in general otherwise this shopping problem of mine could be awful lol And do you know how often I hear "I can't go out. I'm really short on money" from my friends? I f*cking hate it because, no! I have no money, but I'll still use a like 40 miles worth of gas to come hang out with you and drive home after. Time with my friends keeps me sane, they are valuable to me, vital even. So, I don't consider it a hassle to go out and meet friends like some people seem to make it out to be.

4) On that bit about seeing my friends and such, I'm aware you only live once - one time. So, right now, even though I have no job and no job in sight, I'm going to Boston for New Years Eve. My friend wanted to go, our hockey team will be there for the Winter Classic game the next day and you only live once. So, I'm going and I'll figure it out. I could not be more excited. I don't care if we go and just end up drinking in our fancy hotel room (because, yea, if we're going there, we're going to stay in the same fancy hotel as our hockey team too) the entire time - it'll be different, it'll be something I never forget and a once in a lifetime opportunity I didn't pass up.

Though all of the above is about money, it's undeniable I'm single too. I'm hoping if I start working on myself that maybe that'll change too. I'm so tired of being alone.

I did see this quote on tumblr earlier: "Sometimes in your life you need lust. You need the adrenaline rush of knowing that this is not forever & that you're not committed to anything." For some reason that made me feel better about everything that went on last week. It doesn't matter how I might have seemed last week. I know I'm not like that all the time and I had fun being like that for the night. So, whatever. Fun times.

Ah, yes, and single broke female I remain...