Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Wise Wednesday
"History, despite its wrenching pain, cannot be unlived, however, if faced with courage, need not be lived again." -Maya Angelou
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Stalked?!
I am house sitting and with the snow over the weekend, I had to shovel. I went out repeatedly to make paths to the bird feeders, to the feral set-up out back and to the garage where my car was safe inside. I ended up shoveling out most of the driveway myself ... I got maybe 2/3rds of it done when the snow finally stopped too. I came into the house, took off my snow stuff (wet boots, jacket, etc.) and had left the side door open with the glass door shut since the cats were watching the birds eat and I was more concerned about getting my wet stuff off.
Someone knocked at the door behind me around evening (like I said, the snow had finally stopped, I'd shoveled and it was just getting to be dark out). I walked to the door and opened it since this guy was standing out there and could obviously see I was there through the glass door. The guy said he was going around clearing driveways. Chit chatty (freakin IDIOT) me said thank you, but I couldn't pay him because I wasn't the home owner. He then said, "You should call them," Cocky bastard I thought and out loud said no, that it was no big deal because it was mostly done and I'd finish the rest tomorrow thinking this stated clearly "No means no and I don't need you" ... but what he heard and figured out was that I was alone.
He was inquisitive then. Do you go to school? Where do you go? Hasn't school started? I was lying so he'd think I'd be gone soon ... yes, a state school that wasn't local but wasn't too far either for me to be where I was, it was the weekend, etc. He ended up leaving after a few minutes of this (maybe the phone rang?).
I'll be honest, from how inquisitive he was about me (no longer the snow) after he figured out I was alone, I was scared. I joked when telling my friend later that night that I was going to sleep with a knife and that I had thrown bird seed down in the snow by the door ... I said I was going "all CSI" and if I ended up dead whoever killed me should have bird seed in his boots. I was joking, but I did seriously throw bird seed down and I did grab the biggest knife in the kitchen (home owner loves to cook, so there was a nice selection) and tucked it under a magazine right next to the night stand where I was sleeping. I was going to jokingly post about all this too on here. You know, haha! Silly girl sleeping with a knife for no reason... but maybe it's good I procrastinate sometimes because this post and the whole situation is no joking matter anymore!
Of course, it snows again mid week, as most of you know, and he came back yesterday morning. The door was open again (habit), so I had to answer it again since he saw me. He came bearing a flyer for his snow clearing services, said he had been thinking about me (would do the driveway for dinner) and asked to come in. I said no, I didn't need help since I had learned how to use the snow thrower in the garage. He handed me the flyer anyway and said he lived near by - what a coincidence (he said) and how great would it be to get snowed in together, I'd make him dinner (I said hell no) and we could hang out. I'm thinking "What?!" as I'm standing there in my pj pants with smiley faces all over them, a thermal with moose all over it and a Flyers TV shirt since the game was on that night. Then he goes, "Is there a fireplace there?" He wanted to read poetry! Ugh!
I said I was really busy for the next week and maybe I'd call him next week when he insisted that we hang out. He then became insistent on getting my number when I wouldn't budge from the "next week" thing and was firm about not getting snowed in together. I said I don't give my number out as a policy and he kept talking, saying he was trying to get me to change my mind. I said no, that I had his number (on the flyer) and I'd call him. He only left when I said, "The more you annoyingly insist, the less likely it is I'm going to fucking call at all."
As soon as he turned away, I shut and bolted the side door (the front door already was since I never use it, plus there is still like 4 feet covering the whole front yard up to it). After saying I was busy for the next week and that I'd call him, I think he came back in the afternoon. I honestly don't know because I barely heard the door and was passing out, so I didn't check it. HOWEVER, at about 11 o'clock at night, as I was getting ready to go to bed, there was a knock at the door. I stood in the hallway nervous to move (aside from the hallway, the house is mostly all windows, especially the back half where he was knocking on the side door). After a minute or so, I hustled to the other side of the house into the bedroom and put my stuff down (pillow and blankets I had with me on the sofa) and went back to stand in the hallway. Say 3 - 5 minutes had gone by since the knock, so I went to the door, pushed the curtain aside just a little with one finger and saw him just walking away - at 11 PM, he had stood in the sleet and snow for like 5 minutes for a stranger (me) who said they were busy and pretty much had completely dismissed him!! Who does that?!
I called the police after several friends said that was what I should do. After hanging up with my one friend, Mo, my brand new cell phone's screen froze and the whole phone wouldn't work because of it, the driveway is untouched (so this creeper could tell I hadn't left and no one had come to join me) and when I told everything to the police officer that showed up, the most comforting thing he could tell me was to risk the roads in a state of emergency due to the snow and leave that house where I was house sitting ... and he insisted on waiting until I got my things together and got in my car. I was so freaked out!!
Petrified does not begin to describe how I felt/still feel.
Thankfully, my WONDERFUL friend DrL woke when I called her at midnight (once more proving my best girl friends rock!) and said I could stay with her. She lives like 15 minutes down the road from this house so I figured from where I'm house sitting that was my safest and the closest drive. I'm staying with her again tonight and hoping to borrow a big dog (or foster one?) for the next few days until my friends are home and I'm done house sitting this place. I feel bad leaving their cats at night (especially with another storm coming?), but feel petrified staying here alone too.
And once more, fate seems to be slapping me in the face ... I only get the crazies!
Someone knocked at the door behind me around evening (like I said, the snow had finally stopped, I'd shoveled and it was just getting to be dark out). I walked to the door and opened it since this guy was standing out there and could obviously see I was there through the glass door. The guy said he was going around clearing driveways. Chit chatty (freakin IDIOT) me said thank you, but I couldn't pay him because I wasn't the home owner. He then said, "You should call them," Cocky bastard I thought and out loud said no, that it was no big deal because it was mostly done and I'd finish the rest tomorrow thinking this stated clearly "No means no and I don't need you" ... but what he heard and figured out was that I was alone.
He was inquisitive then. Do you go to school? Where do you go? Hasn't school started? I was lying so he'd think I'd be gone soon ... yes, a state school that wasn't local but wasn't too far either for me to be where I was, it was the weekend, etc. He ended up leaving after a few minutes of this (maybe the phone rang?).
I'll be honest, from how inquisitive he was about me (no longer the snow) after he figured out I was alone, I was scared. I joked when telling my friend later that night that I was going to sleep with a knife and that I had thrown bird seed down in the snow by the door ... I said I was going "all CSI" and if I ended up dead whoever killed me should have bird seed in his boots. I was joking, but I did seriously throw bird seed down and I did grab the biggest knife in the kitchen (home owner loves to cook, so there was a nice selection) and tucked it under a magazine right next to the night stand where I was sleeping. I was going to jokingly post about all this too on here. You know, haha! Silly girl sleeping with a knife for no reason... but maybe it's good I procrastinate sometimes because this post and the whole situation is no joking matter anymore!
Of course, it snows again mid week, as most of you know, and he came back yesterday morning. The door was open again (habit), so I had to answer it again since he saw me. He came bearing a flyer for his snow clearing services, said he had been thinking about me (would do the driveway for dinner) and asked to come in. I said no, I didn't need help since I had learned how to use the snow thrower in the garage. He handed me the flyer anyway and said he lived near by - what a coincidence (he said) and how great would it be to get snowed in together, I'd make him dinner (I said hell no) and we could hang out. I'm thinking "What?!" as I'm standing there in my pj pants with smiley faces all over them, a thermal with moose all over it and a Flyers TV shirt since the game was on that night. Then he goes, "Is there a fireplace there?" He wanted to read poetry! Ugh!
I said I was really busy for the next week and maybe I'd call him next week when he insisted that we hang out. He then became insistent on getting my number when I wouldn't budge from the "next week" thing and was firm about not getting snowed in together. I said I don't give my number out as a policy and he kept talking, saying he was trying to get me to change my mind. I said no, that I had his number (on the flyer) and I'd call him. He only left when I said, "The more you annoyingly insist, the less likely it is I'm going to fucking call at all."
As soon as he turned away, I shut and bolted the side door (the front door already was since I never use it, plus there is still like 4 feet covering the whole front yard up to it). After saying I was busy for the next week and that I'd call him, I think he came back in the afternoon. I honestly don't know because I barely heard the door and was passing out, so I didn't check it. HOWEVER, at about 11 o'clock at night, as I was getting ready to go to bed, there was a knock at the door. I stood in the hallway nervous to move (aside from the hallway, the house is mostly all windows, especially the back half where he was knocking on the side door). After a minute or so, I hustled to the other side of the house into the bedroom and put my stuff down (pillow and blankets I had with me on the sofa) and went back to stand in the hallway. Say 3 - 5 minutes had gone by since the knock, so I went to the door, pushed the curtain aside just a little with one finger and saw him just walking away - at 11 PM, he had stood in the sleet and snow for like 5 minutes for a stranger (me) who said they were busy and pretty much had completely dismissed him!! Who does that?!
I called the police after several friends said that was what I should do. After hanging up with my one friend, Mo, my brand new cell phone's screen froze and the whole phone wouldn't work because of it, the driveway is untouched (so this creeper could tell I hadn't left and no one had come to join me) and when I told everything to the police officer that showed up, the most comforting thing he could tell me was to risk the roads in a state of emergency due to the snow and leave that house where I was house sitting ... and he insisted on waiting until I got my things together and got in my car. I was so freaked out!!
Petrified does not begin to describe how I felt/still feel.
Thankfully, my WONDERFUL friend DrL woke when I called her at midnight (once more proving my best girl friends rock!) and said I could stay with her. She lives like 15 minutes down the road from this house so I figured from where I'm house sitting that was my safest and the closest drive. I'm staying with her again tonight and hoping to borrow a big dog (or foster one?) for the next few days until my friends are home and I'm done house sitting this place. I feel bad leaving their cats at night (especially with another storm coming?), but feel petrified staying here alone too.
And once more, fate seems to be slapping me in the face ... I only get the crazies!
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Wise Wednesday
"Do not wait to strike till the iron is hot; but make it hot by striking." -William B. Sprague
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Signs!
Sometimes there are just so many signs, it's hard to deny them. That's how the other day was for me with signs for Reg. It was just so random and so weird ... especially after Mo had just explained away about the girls over the weekend to me. I would have liked to just been grossed out by that and forgotten about Reg.
This was pretty much my whole day the other day. I could not seem to avoid things that reminded me of him...
A guy goes biking by with the logo of Reg's team. Random because seriously - who is biking now?! It's freezing out!!
Gorgeous guy that reminds me of Reg drove passed me after picking up my dinner. I was supposed to be at home for dinner, so that fact I was there, at that spot, at that time picking up food was definitely not planned and quite random.
I walk back into the living room earlier to hear that the guy that sings the song Reg was free styling into our car to that night so many months ago would be on a show later that night. Granted, I don't really recall the song at the time because I was so buzzed (ok, drunk if I'm being honest lol), but I remember Reg leaning in and free styling, I remember the song blasting out of the speakers of Mo's car when we turned it on the next morning and Mo insisted that song was the one he free styled to.
I got a new cell phone and I'm still getting used to it. While I was texting: "One month until FL. I can't wait for the warm weather and good people", somehow my phone switched over to "predictions" - no idea how! I still haven't figured that out except to manually do it through a few different steps in the "options". Anyway, somehow (without doing these steps and just completely out of the blue) it switched over to predictions and after I had written out "One month until FL. I can't wait for" and was trying to locate the "t" again on my now giant keyboard, my predictions filled in "Reg" Oh yea, I look up at my screen before finding the "t" for "the" and read: "I can't wait for Reg" Agh! What?! Too freakin weird! So, so weird!!! I mean, why that? Where did that come from? How did the predictions get turned on to throw that in my face? And, on my old phone, even if the predictions came on, you had to start typing a new word out for it to start filling stuff in. It never just made up it's whole new words to fill in!!
A guy buys Mo and I shots at the bar and this guy's friend has Reg's team logo on his hat. Ok, they had a game last night, so that's not totally random or maybe a "sign", but still. After the day I had, especially the phone thing, everything slightly relating to him was starting to see weird.
Finally (and this is well after midnight and into a new day), as I got into my car to head home at the end of the night, the song that comes on out of 2300+ songs on my iPod just happens to be the damn song he was free styling to in the car.
So yea, some little stuff and some not so little stuff through out the day reminded me of him damn it. Gotta get him out of my head because thinking of him is just so unwise!
Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
~ Jack Johnson; Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
This was pretty much my whole day the other day. I could not seem to avoid things that reminded me of him...
A guy goes biking by with the logo of Reg's team. Random because seriously - who is biking now?! It's freezing out!!
Gorgeous guy that reminds me of Reg drove passed me after picking up my dinner. I was supposed to be at home for dinner, so that fact I was there, at that spot, at that time picking up food was definitely not planned and quite random.
I walk back into the living room earlier to hear that the guy that sings the song Reg was free styling into our car to that night so many months ago would be on a show later that night. Granted, I don't really recall the song at the time because I was so buzzed (ok, drunk if I'm being honest lol), but I remember Reg leaning in and free styling, I remember the song blasting out of the speakers of Mo's car when we turned it on the next morning and Mo insisted that song was the one he free styled to.
I got a new cell phone and I'm still getting used to it. While I was texting: "One month until FL. I can't wait for the warm weather and good people", somehow my phone switched over to "predictions" - no idea how! I still haven't figured that out except to manually do it through a few different steps in the "options". Anyway, somehow (without doing these steps and just completely out of the blue) it switched over to predictions and after I had written out "One month until FL. I can't wait for" and was trying to locate the "t" again on my now giant keyboard, my predictions filled in "Reg" Oh yea, I look up at my screen before finding the "t" for "the" and read: "I can't wait for Reg" Agh! What?! Too freakin weird! So, so weird!!! I mean, why that? Where did that come from? How did the predictions get turned on to throw that in my face? And, on my old phone, even if the predictions came on, you had to start typing a new word out for it to start filling stuff in. It never just made up it's whole new words to fill in!!
A guy buys Mo and I shots at the bar and this guy's friend has Reg's team logo on his hat. Ok, they had a game last night, so that's not totally random or maybe a "sign", but still. After the day I had, especially the phone thing, everything slightly relating to him was starting to see weird.
Finally (and this is well after midnight and into a new day), as I got into my car to head home at the end of the night, the song that comes on out of 2300+ songs on my iPod just happens to be the damn song he was free styling to in the car.
So yea, some little stuff and some not so little stuff through out the day reminded me of him damn it. Gotta get him out of my head because thinking of him is just so unwise!
Now I was sitting waiting wishing
That you believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs
~ Jack Johnson; Sitting, Waiting, Wishing
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Excuses, excuses
I didn't bring him up nor had I mentioned Sunday night, but earlier today and out of the blue, Mo brought up Reg. More specifically, Mo started talking about Reg and the two girls he came in and left with Sunday night at the bar.
Mo told me that she heard that the one girl Reg was with that night was his ex from back home and that the other girl that they left with was the ex girlfriend's friend who had come down while she was visiting. Mon said this was the ex who really messed him up, that she's continuing to play games with his head and that she's supposedly dating someone or have an actual boyfriend back at home. She then added, "So, I'm guessing nothing happened there" (with the friend with her and a guy waiting at home) or something like that as if trying to ease up what I'd been so sure had gone on when they all left together.
In the same breath that she gives this explanation/excuse for him that night, says she feels bad for the way this girl is stringing Reg along, oh, and says how nice he is & that he pretty much keeps to himself instead of whoring himself around (like some), Mo also tells me to be careful, that if this girl is stringing him along, if this ex messed him up as much as she supposedly did, then he's bound to hurt me. Agh! Stop encouraging this crazy interest I have in him. I don't know what he saw in me that one night - we're like complete polar opposites. He's got his matching belt and wallet and there are days I don't even match my socks!
Here I would have been perfectly content to go on being grossed out by all of what I thought happened and totally turned off by him. Now though Mo planted an excuse for the whole thing in my head and I'm back to feeling totally torn between continuing to distract myself with this interest in him I have or just give up and consider him nothing more than eye candy I shouldn't touch.
Mo told me that she heard that the one girl Reg was with that night was his ex from back home and that the other girl that they left with was the ex girlfriend's friend who had come down while she was visiting. Mon said this was the ex who really messed him up, that she's continuing to play games with his head and that she's supposedly dating someone or have an actual boyfriend back at home. She then added, "So, I'm guessing nothing happened there" (with the friend with her and a guy waiting at home) or something like that as if trying to ease up what I'd been so sure had gone on when they all left together.
In the same breath that she gives this explanation/excuse for him that night, says she feels bad for the way this girl is stringing Reg along, oh, and says how nice he is & that he pretty much keeps to himself instead of whoring himself around (like some), Mo also tells me to be careful, that if this girl is stringing him along, if this ex messed him up as much as she supposedly did, then he's bound to hurt me. Agh! Stop encouraging this crazy interest I have in him. I don't know what he saw in me that one night - we're like complete polar opposites. He's got his matching belt and wallet and there are days I don't even match my socks!
Here I would have been perfectly content to go on being grossed out by all of what I thought happened and totally turned off by him. Now though Mo planted an excuse for the whole thing in my head and I'm back to feeling totally torn between continuing to distract myself with this interest in him I have or just give up and consider him nothing more than eye candy I shouldn't touch.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wise(A$s) Wednesday
"I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it’s such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her" -Ellen DeGeneres
Wise Wednesday
"Our character is but the stamp on our souls of the free choices of good and evil we have made through life." -John C. Geikie
Monday, January 25, 2010
Sunday Funday
Sunday was a bit ridiculous...
I headed out with Mo for the usual Sunday night activities and the bar was pretty annoying at first. An older guy Mo kinda knew came in and he was so annoying, hanging around us and smelling awful - like stale cigarettes. Plus, there was some huge guy standing near us who seemed to have never learned the lesson of personal space. He was all kinds of in mine and practically standing on top of me at points. Ugh!
So many of the hockey guys came out too, some of them newly single - broken up from girlfriends or divorcing wives. It was weird seeing so many of them in one place!
The bar was packed with people that night. Reg came in with two guys and three girls... and left not to long after that with two of them. I was so grossed out by that. Mo and I were at a house party like 6 months ago where one girl disappeared into a bathroom with two guys for awhile. Gross, gross, gross!! The things girls will do. Ick! So one gorgeous guy (Reg) and two girls leaving together took my mind to what felt like a pretty obvious conclusion. Of course, I've been trying to shake it off, you know? I'm stupid to continue to think about him. I know that! He was just so damn nice and so adorable (hot, hot, hot too ... Mo keeps reminding me of that, damn it lol). Before leaving, he seemed to be pretty nice and adorable to those girls too. Ugh...
DCrush was out at the bar too. I cannot even begin to explain my frustrations with that whole situation. Yet again, he was all over some skinny blonde (a different one from a few weeks ago). I don't know who approached who first since I didn't even see them until later in the night, but I'm sure it was her. Ugh! As if that wasn't awful and awkward enough, even I caught him looking at me and I'm bad with that kinda thing. I don't notice people looking at me and even I caught DCrush that night. Mo told me he might have been all over and talking to that blonde, but she caught him staring at me at least five times later in the night. At the end of the night, when he was bombed from alcohol and wrapping his arms around the blonde, he looked up and right at me. Though he probably had no idea what he saw in my eyes, he caught me in a completely raw with disappointment moment. I looked down after a moment when we met eyes. I left a little after that. I assume he left with the blonde.
Ah! And there's a funny story from the night too. I went to show ProudM my tattoo in the bathroom and as she leaned over to check it out, her big butt opened the door up!! Thankfully, I don't think anyone noticed, but there I was with my pants down, ProudM leaning over in front of me ... and the door wide open to all those guys. As if that's not bad enough, she did it like two more times accidentally too lol Crazy girl!
I headed out with Mo for the usual Sunday night activities and the bar was pretty annoying at first. An older guy Mo kinda knew came in and he was so annoying, hanging around us and smelling awful - like stale cigarettes. Plus, there was some huge guy standing near us who seemed to have never learned the lesson of personal space. He was all kinds of in mine and practically standing on top of me at points. Ugh!
So many of the hockey guys came out too, some of them newly single - broken up from girlfriends or divorcing wives. It was weird seeing so many of them in one place!
The bar was packed with people that night. Reg came in with two guys and three girls... and left not to long after that with two of them. I was so grossed out by that. Mo and I were at a house party like 6 months ago where one girl disappeared into a bathroom with two guys for awhile. Gross, gross, gross!! The things girls will do. Ick! So one gorgeous guy (Reg) and two girls leaving together took my mind to what felt like a pretty obvious conclusion. Of course, I've been trying to shake it off, you know? I'm stupid to continue to think about him. I know that! He was just so damn nice and so adorable (hot, hot, hot too ... Mo keeps reminding me of that, damn it lol). Before leaving, he seemed to be pretty nice and adorable to those girls too. Ugh...
DCrush was out at the bar too. I cannot even begin to explain my frustrations with that whole situation. Yet again, he was all over some skinny blonde (a different one from a few weeks ago). I don't know who approached who first since I didn't even see them until later in the night, but I'm sure it was her. Ugh! As if that wasn't awful and awkward enough, even I caught him looking at me and I'm bad with that kinda thing. I don't notice people looking at me and even I caught DCrush that night. Mo told me he might have been all over and talking to that blonde, but she caught him staring at me at least five times later in the night. At the end of the night, when he was bombed from alcohol and wrapping his arms around the blonde, he looked up and right at me. Though he probably had no idea what he saw in my eyes, he caught me in a completely raw with disappointment moment. I looked down after a moment when we met eyes. I left a little after that. I assume he left with the blonde.
Ah! And there's a funny story from the night too. I went to show ProudM my tattoo in the bathroom and as she leaned over to check it out, her big butt opened the door up!! Thankfully, I don't think anyone noticed, but there I was with my pants down, ProudM leaning over in front of me ... and the door wide open to all those guys. As if that's not bad enough, she did it like two more times accidentally too lol Crazy girl!
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Happy Birthday to me?
Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me! That was this weekend which involved good friends, good food, fun wine, singing, dancing, balloons, cake, more good friends, more dancing, some hockey guys ... and, oh yea, the stomach flu. Just my luck! Here's the morning exchange with my sister via texts:
Meesh: Happy birthday :)
me: Thanks little one. I think I woke up with a stomach virus though!
Meesh: Oh god. Seriously? Talk about bad luck.
I laid in bed for a long time that morning wondering why my stomach was so upset and my throat felt cold ... when I finally got up to feed the cats I'm watching, the puking starting and didn't stop for about 4 hours. My mom actually came to get me and take me home from where I'm house sitting. Around 3 in the afternoon I really tested myself: eating a couple spoonfuls of jello, drinking a bunch of tea & water and moving from my bed out to the sofa to turn on the hockey game. Up until about then, I was thinking this birthday was definitely going to beat out the one where I fell on some ice and broke my foot (is my birthday cursed?!).
Thankfully, I was feeling well enough to shower and pull my act together for my birthday plans that night - out to celebrate with friends. I ended up being extra lucky that night: no puking, saw a certain guy, celebrated with my midnight birthday buddies (my birthday is the 17th, my friends Tam & Irish Girl are the 18th) who were nice enough to come out, there was cake & balloons and I did not throw up anymore (though there was definitely a point I needed some air to make sure that didn't happen). Also, one of the nicest guys I've ever met hung out with us a bit that night and did a birthday shot with me. He's a big fighter for his hockey team, so for him to be so polite and nice is a weird parody to me.
Reg came out, but seemed miserable, barely said hello back when I said hi and left not long after that. So much for that! DCrush was also there, but with his friends who he seemed to be glued to that night. I tried to bait him into a birthday photo with me when I was about to take one next ti him, but he didn't go for it. After asking twice I finally just said, "Fine. Be shy!" I was so frustrated because I'd actually made the effort to talk to him!
Meesh: Happy birthday :)
me: Thanks little one. I think I woke up with a stomach virus though!
Meesh: Oh god. Seriously? Talk about bad luck.
I laid in bed for a long time that morning wondering why my stomach was so upset and my throat felt cold ... when I finally got up to feed the cats I'm watching, the puking starting and didn't stop for about 4 hours. My mom actually came to get me and take me home from where I'm house sitting. Around 3 in the afternoon I really tested myself: eating a couple spoonfuls of jello, drinking a bunch of tea & water and moving from my bed out to the sofa to turn on the hockey game. Up until about then, I was thinking this birthday was definitely going to beat out the one where I fell on some ice and broke my foot (is my birthday cursed?!).
Thankfully, I was feeling well enough to shower and pull my act together for my birthday plans that night - out to celebrate with friends. I ended up being extra lucky that night: no puking, saw a certain guy, celebrated with my midnight birthday buddies (my birthday is the 17th, my friends Tam & Irish Girl are the 18th) who were nice enough to come out, there was cake & balloons and I did not throw up anymore (though there was definitely a point I needed some air to make sure that didn't happen). Also, one of the nicest guys I've ever met hung out with us a bit that night and did a birthday shot with me. He's a big fighter for his hockey team, so for him to be so polite and nice is a weird parody to me.
Reg came out, but seemed miserable, barely said hello back when I said hi and left not long after that. So much for that! DCrush was also there, but with his friends who he seemed to be glued to that night. I tried to bait him into a birthday photo with me when I was about to take one next ti him, but he didn't go for it. After asking twice I finally just said, "Fine. Be shy!" I was so frustrated because I'd actually made the effort to talk to him!
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Wise Wednesday
"If you do not hope, you will not find what is beyond your hopes." -St. Clement of Alexandra
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
Wise(A$s) Wednesday
"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." -Ernest Hemmingway
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Kickin Off The New Year
As I mentioned here, bad things did not go on the night of new year's eve...
Someone randomly, violently and for no good reason assaulted me. She came into the room looking to fight, I think, with the things she was saying: calling me a dyke for lying on the floor with Mo watching a movie, saying I was disrespectful and a bunch of other things I just ignore ... until I heard her insinuate I'm a "c*nt". I hate that word!!! And that was when my buzzed sleepiness and pride made me speak before thinking of how nutty this girl is (note: it's best to just ignore nutty people). She said that and I said the only person acting like one was her ... and then she started kicking me in the head (again, I was already lying on the floor). I couldn't do anything but curl up and thankfully there were people there to pull her off of me, mainly Mo and MMKev, I think.
Ugh, I don't want to say more. Paranoid me is worried if I post too much, I'll get myself in trouble OR if a buddy ofthis crazy girl this person comes across this and there's too much posted, she'll take it to twist around. I rarely share photos, but check out the heel prints I have on my shoulder now from getting kicked in the back of the head while I was lying down though...
.JPG)
Here is what I will say though: I am hoping the incident that happened on new year's eve was the "cherry on top" of a horrific year (getting my dad's diagnosis, losing my job, moving back home and everything those things combined have forced me to deal with). I am thankful for my friends, will not let the bad outweigh the good of the night and I remain hopeful for the new year ... but I'm not considering it a "new year" until the wounds from that night are gone. Expect delayed resolutions until then as well.
JMac is in the healthcare system and was very, very nice to me ... but as I stopped crying (which was for like an hour since that's apparently how I dealt with my anxiety that night) and started to settle down, I realized he was just really freakin annoying: "I like you so much. I like you for you. We really need to get together. blah blah blah" And this continued after I said at least 3 times that now was not the time to discuss that and that I'd been through too much and couldn't handle all that too. Honestly, I ignored my lack of much attraction to you last year and said I'd go out with you, JMac, because people kept insisting you were such a nice guy ... such a nice guy that you didn't show the 3 times we had plans. 3 TIMES!!! And I don't care if you were right down the street the third time because I had already waited an hour for you and that's just ridiculous! So, I don't care what you said while I looked like a punching bag from being kicked and crying, you messed up three times. Don't act like I'm the bad person.
Later that night, after crying, cleaning myself up and getting rid of JMac, I texted MMKev. He's pathetic. I'm sorry I was ever interested in him. He has such commitment issues ... even to this. The helping get that girl off me, freaking out and, from what I heard, later punching some people who deserved it for getting me hurt ... all to like never text me to check on me days afterwards (he texted Mo instead), not want to help with me pressing charges, etc.
Someone randomly, violently and for no good reason assaulted me. She came into the room looking to fight, I think, with the things she was saying: calling me a dyke for lying on the floor with Mo watching a movie, saying I was disrespectful and a bunch of other things I just ignore ... until I heard her insinuate I'm a "c*nt". I hate that word!!! And that was when my buzzed sleepiness and pride made me speak before thinking of how nutty this girl is (note: it's best to just ignore nutty people). She said that and I said the only person acting like one was her ... and then she started kicking me in the head (again, I was already lying on the floor). I couldn't do anything but curl up and thankfully there were people there to pull her off of me, mainly Mo and MMKev, I think.
Ugh, I don't want to say more. Paranoid me is worried if I post too much, I'll get myself in trouble OR if a buddy of
.JPG)
Here is what I will say though: I am hoping the incident that happened on new year's eve was the "cherry on top" of a horrific year (getting my dad's diagnosis, losing my job, moving back home and everything those things combined have forced me to deal with). I am thankful for my friends, will not let the bad outweigh the good of the night and I remain hopeful for the new year ... but I'm not considering it a "new year" until the wounds from that night are gone. Expect delayed resolutions until then as well.
JMac is in the healthcare system and was very, very nice to me ... but as I stopped crying (which was for like an hour since that's apparently how I dealt with my anxiety that night) and started to settle down, I realized he was just really freakin annoying: "I like you so much. I like you for you. We really need to get together. blah blah blah" And this continued after I said at least 3 times that now was not the time to discuss that and that I'd been through too much and couldn't handle all that too. Honestly, I ignored my lack of much attraction to you last year and said I'd go out with you, JMac, because people kept insisting you were such a nice guy ... such a nice guy that you didn't show the 3 times we had plans. 3 TIMES!!! And I don't care if you were right down the street the third time because I had already waited an hour for you and that's just ridiculous! So, I don't care what you said while I looked like a punching bag from being kicked and crying, you messed up three times. Don't act like I'm the bad person.
Later that night, after crying, cleaning myself up and getting rid of JMac, I texted MMKev. He's pathetic. I'm sorry I was ever interested in him. He has such commitment issues ... even to this. The helping get that girl off me, freaking out and, from what I heard, later punching some people who deserved it for getting me hurt ... all to like never text me to check on me days afterwards (he texted Mo instead), not want to help with me pressing charges, etc.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Texts
Mo: You may kill me next Sunday
me: Oh no Why?!
Mo: Hehe. You will see ;-) Just promise not to kill me!!
me: I am SOO not making that promise when you put it like that
Mo: Ha. U may thank me later ;-)
me: Not if its something that makes me blush from nerves
Mo: Nah. U will be fine
me: Oh no Why?!
Mo: Hehe. You will see ;-) Just promise not to kill me!!
me: I am SOO not making that promise when you put it like that
Mo: Ha. U may thank me later ;-)
me: Not if its something that makes me blush from nerves
Mo: Nah. U will be fine
Friday, January 1, 2010
Texts
me: Let's both go to sleep and pretend we made out with hot aggressive hockey boys that are crazy about us instead of what really happened :)
Mo: Ha. Yes. Wishful thinking! I was dreaming of them all night last night!
*Note: Instead of hitting the road to go stay in the same hotel as our hockey team boys and then go to their big game, Mo and I went to a fateful party. I would have preferred making out with a hot man than what happened that time, but that story isn't for now. Too much to write and still too overwhelming just yet.
Mo: Ha. Yes. Wishful thinking! I was dreaming of them all night last night!
*Note: Instead of hitting the road to go stay in the same hotel as our hockey team boys and then go to their big game, Mo and I went to a fateful party. I would have preferred making out with a hot man than what happened that time, but that story isn't for now. Too much to write and still too overwhelming just yet.
Texts
me 4:48 AM: where are you? ~ You better say goodbye even though I look like a punching bag
MMKev 5:49 AM: My phone was dead. Just plugged it in and got your text. I just wanted to get out of there. Hope everything is ok
MMKev 5:49 AM: My phone was dead. Just plugged it in and got your text. I just wanted to get out of there. Hope everything is ok
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