Breakthrough?

I mentioned the other night how I hate routine, hate all routines! This after that, after that, after this -over and over and over again- bores me to death. I don't like waking up at a certain time, brushing my teeth, brushing my hair, feeding the cats, putting on my scrubs, eating breakfast and going to work. No, sometimes I wake up on time, sometimes I take those extra minutes to sleep in. Most of the time I feed the cats first thing after finding clothes, but not always and I like to eat before brushing my teeth, but not always. What I eat varies, what I wear varies, I also don't always take my meds like I should for no real good reason or listen to the same music and sometimes I don't even brush my hair every morning (I'll just throw it back in a pony tail). I don't seem to stick to routines...

Well, I think my hatred of routines affects my feelings about relationships. I think I'm afraid of not being able to avoid creating a routine with someone else, afraid of slipping into the "same old, same old" getting involved and something repetitive being my day to day life. Same person, same kissing, no new & interesting conversation, same sex, same things being done in our down time, etc. I'm not saying I want someone different everyday (LOL - god no!), but I think my fear of routine is partly what makes me so anxious about getting into a relationship ... I don't know. Does that make sense?

Maybe it's less my "hatred" of routines and more so the fact that I'm just bad at them. Maybe I get anxious because I don't want to f*ck it all up and I'm so sure that I will one way or another that I feel it best just to avoid the whole thing.