DC

DC - sometimes he responds, most times he doesn't. Honestly, I kinda wish he were in Philly because I could go for some inappropriate texting right about now lol

thank you for the reminder!

For some time I've been sleeping with this guy, BandJ.

Initially this year (I say "this year" because there's some history with BandJ) it was literally just sleeping in the same bed. BandJ was someone to cuddle with, talk to and a place to stay when I didn't feel like driving more than 10 minutes or so to climb into a bed - he's near where all my friends are whereas my parents' place is about a half hour from them.

I cannot even begin to explain how absolutely wonderful it was to curl up to watch a movie, climb into bed while talking about a cute guy I saw at the bar before I got to BandJ's or venting about friends, then snuggle up together and say goodnight. I'd wake up in the morning, maybe talk a little with his parents, get a kiss goodbye and head out the door. It was a strange, wonderful friendship, I thought.

More and more it has become less talking and joking and more so just sex and then sleeping and not much else. Well, as things have progressed to this point, it's also become increasingly obvious to me (whether because the things I enjoyed so much aren't a part of it anymore or in general) that he's simply a nice excuse to not be alone and a nearby bed ... and that is all he is to me. I'm not even sure at this point if I really like BandJ at all, maybe not even as a person. Over the time I've come to know him, I've realized I don't like many of his friends, I don't like his lack of a job, the fact he lives with his parents (yes, I live with mine, but my dad's sick - that's the only reason I'm still unemployed & living here ... aside from the fact the job market sucks too), I don't like how he can act so nice and then morph into a jerk, I don't like his hobbies (which just seem to be going to a friend's and drinking), his opinions often are highly off from mine or how he manipulates me and I certainly do not like his ego one bit.

Don't get me wrong, there are times I wake up, roll over and think, "Oh my god, he's gorgeous" and sometimes the sex is good and I can ignore the fact we barely talk like before. However to think back on just the hanging out, talking to him and compare it to now, I'm not a fan of who he is with me now when we're alone and I'm not a fan of myself at points for the things I put up with/do just to not have to go home some nights. I know this. I know all this ... and yet I still keep texting him and going there ... somehow I still haven't learned that something isn't always better than nothing.

I found myself there the other night - no sex with just a little bit of talking, but I was really tired, so it was pretty much right to bed ... and no cuddling up together, lots of snoring (on his part) and little sleep for me.

During my little sleep, I had the most random, realistic dreams. The one dream was so horrible, I woke up crying. Another one was just a huge red flag: we woke in the morning and BandJ sat down on the end of the bed, saying we needed to talk. He began to tell me how at this point, he'd normally be trying to find excuses to not see me, wouldn't answer my calls ... but that there was something about me. I was sticking. At this point in my dream, I cannot really recall what BandJ was saying because I started freaking out in my own head: "Oh no! Oh no! Is he going to say he has feelings for me? That he wants me to be his girlfriend? Oh no. Oh man, I don't like him. I don't like him at all." I'm thinking I don't like him and I was worrying he only wanted me to be his girlfriend because I let him treat me like crap and I keep coming back. Then, I found myself waking up in real life and rolling over next to him. Ah! Talk about mixed feelings...

Thank you for the reminder, brain, that I don't like this anymore ... Even my subconscious is reminding me while I am sleeping next to him!

This was way too early (still dark out), so I think I tried to fall back to sleep, but if I'm being completely honest here ... I wouldn't have even woken him up when I left if he hadn't needed to lock the door behind me. I felt so awkward. I think he said he'd call. I didn't hold my breath ... and he didn't call.

not so great expectations

For about 5 days I had fun conversations pretty frequently with DC - I love fun, flirty conversations! And some more... ah! Him biting my lip! Yum! Gawd that was great, especially compared to stupid BandJ telling me to be softer (ok, not that phrasing, but that was the jist). Oh my goodness there are a bunch of other complaints about BandJ as well, but I should try to bite my tongue.

DC left though and I guess things are just going to go back to being nothing... I waited a bit knowing he'd be busy settling in again when he got home, but I texted him after a day or so and didn't hear back from him...

I had like 1 response from him on Facebook in the month I've known him before he randomly showed up around here, so I guess I shouldn't expect much - if anything. I guess I just worry that, well, you know - can you say "Chick to just get some from while in Jersey"? Yea. I'm thinking that boy could have a girl in every state for all I know. I don't know him!

Whatever, we had good chemistry, I might never see him again and I really can't complain about how nice it was talking and joking with someone and then falling asleep in a king sized bed with them. :) You only live once and he definitely made my life a little more interesting - it was a good couple of days. Glad, I, uh, indulged and all. And it's not crazy to want more of a fun/good thing. I know not to expect much. I know that...

I definitely needed that and Czech Republic guy (CRG) to remind me I don't need to settle.

oOo (hold the X's)

Check out: http://kissez.tumblr.com/

I adore this tumblr website! It filled with kisses: cute kisses, sweet kisses, pretty settings for kissing, wedding kisses, random crazy places for kissing, morning kisses, hot kisses, etc. The whole site makes me want a guy just to be kissing in random places and taking pictures to post :)

BUYER BEWARE - TMI to follow ;)
... though I love all the pictures on the site, the pic I have posted on here to the right, is posted for a reason. DC kinda bit my lip like that when he was finishing - H.O.T. - totally worth the chapped lip afterwards lol I mean, it was all good, but that might have been my favorite part.

this sh*t

the sh*t I've had to deal with from BandJ ... incredible!!!!!!!!!

I ask him to come out, he says he will, I tell him my plans and he knows it's my last night house sitting, but when the time comes, he's MIA. Go figure! And then, when I call him out on it, he talks in circles, says I can't be acting like "he's mine" and calls me "nuts". I'm not sure how many ways I can spell "I don't want you" before it'll get through his thick freakin skull. I just expect someone to show up when they say they are going to ... cause there's other people I could have left with or invited over, jerkface BandJ!

I act possessive?! You're the one that approaches me when we're out, you're the one who got all bent out of shape for me talking to other guys who were hitting on my friend at a party, the one who gets pissy when I leave without saying goodbye, etc. Whatever.

I'm not sure why I'm surprised. I should have expected all this since he was like this before - calling me crazy, saying I was possessive when the only one guilty of that was him and just being plain mean until I'd give up trying to have a rational conversation. Ugh, and I'm pathetic since I keep going back and dealing with this crap all for a damn distraction from everything else right now ... he just gets so ugly and mean. Seriously. Whatever. I guess I should be glad he's not smart enough to realize that "I don't want to be with you" isn't all that awful and the only "nut" in the conversation is the one who hasn't caught on that I want nothing to do with that. Whatever.